39 weeks and not so happy

Well, no picture for 39 weeks. I'll take one on Wednesday which will be 40 weeks (if this baby doesn't decide to arrive before then, which I'm thinking he won't). Mostly, I've been really grumpy and didn't feel like I could smile for a picture. It was really disappointing last Tuesday at my doctor's appointment when I still wasn't dilated at all. He also said my cervix is still pointing backwards.. I don't really know much about what exactly that means, but it makes me think the baby is not even close to being ready to come out and see us. So I've been really down in the dumps. Having lots of different aches and pains and always wondering if it's going to be time. I'm just ready for this already!! I'm getting pretty miserable.

Next appointment is Wednesday (which is also my due date!) so we will find out if there has been any progress and how long they are going to let me go and all that. I don't really want to be induced, but we will do whatever is best for me and baby. I would really like to experience the whole "Zach I think I'm starting labor!" thing..and us getting our stuff and going to the hospital. Making an appointment and just showing up doesn't sound as fun. I don't know if I can wait another whole week..ugh! I'm just a really impatient person to begin with..and this is such a big life changing event that the anxiety is even worse just waiting! I don't have anything else to do around the house, so I spend a lot of time sleeping haha.

We are going to ask the doctor Wednesday if they can give me an excuse to start my maternity leave Thursday. At my job, maternity leave doesn't start until you go into labor, unless you have a medical reason to leave early. Work is so stressful lately that we don't even have a chance to breathe and it's just really hard on my body it seems. They've implemented mandatory overtime from now on until who knows when. So I think (and Zach thinks) that it's time for me to try to relax until the baby comes. We'll see. Maybe this baby will start to make his arrival tonight! That would be so exciting!